How did I not realize I was pregnant until this past Friday?

Seriously, I know it sound ridiculous but I really didn't know.

After the m/c in June - I was advised that it could be awhile for my hormones to get back to normal and that, until that happened, that I could still experience some pregnancy like symptoms.

So I was tired and slept a lot. And I chalked that up to being depressed over the miscarriage.

I was nauseous a LOT - and I attributed that to my anxiety.

My boobs were KILLING me - and I attributed that to hormones.

It wasn't until I had T. get me that caramel sundae from McD's on Sept 24th that I decided to do a pregnancy test.

In hindsight of course - it really does point to pregnancy as so many of my friends were thinking but were afraid to say since it was such a sensitive topic for me after the loss.

But seriously, there was a week were I existed eating cream of potato soup at least once a day and another week where all I could keep down was basmati rice. And I ate tons and tons of saltine crackers.

Nausea is still going on. I actually last threw up less than 20 minutes ago.

UGH!

But I'm happy :>:>:>

Holy freakin' crap!!!!!!!!!

I had my ultrasound today and, according to it, I am 13 weeks and 1 day pregnant!!!!

So I've passed the danger zone without even knowing I was pregnant.

That's actually a really cool thing considering that #1 - I am a worrywart and #2 - I suck at keeping secrets.

I am so thrilled I'd like to do a happy dance but I'm too paranoid that I'll trip ;>

Went for a drive

And T. and I were talking about baby names.

Now, surname-wise I think I'd actually go the hyphenated route for the baby. My surname and then his because whenever I actually marry T. I would add his last name to mine.

Of course, this means the baby's last name initials would be H-O.

LOL!

Sorry baby!

Then T. started spouting off the odd names that we would NOT name the baby like:

Solar Radiation
Nuclear Fallout
Sunspot
Moonbeam
Lawnmower etc...

My joking one was a normal name - Thomas Kirk because if we skipped my surname then his initials would be TKO!!!

I like the idea of somehow incorporating Cliff into the name if it's a boy for my late father.

Then T. suggested that if it's a boy, he could be J.C. (John for his Dad and Cliff for mine).

The only REAL name I've thought of so far is:

Cadence (aka Cady) Diana so we'd have the same initials.

Other than that - no real ideas yet.

My DR's appt yesterday

So I went, had to do a pee test there.

Dr. agrees that yes, I'm pregnant and he's dating it back to July until he gets information showing otherwise.

Thing is, we were diligent about using condoms all through July and August and our "activity" level had gone down considerably because I was massively depressed.

Dr. said (and I quote), "Well obviously you weren't using them right. And you know condoms are only 80% effective."

*rolls eyes*

Now, since we don't know for sure when this happened (though I am pegging THIS month because of our one slip-up) I have been trying to pin down some of the things that I thought were odd but was ignoring.

My sudden Pizza Hut cravings. We had it twice in the past month or so whereas I don't think we had previously ordered it AT ALL since we've been living in this unit.

And that was one of my cravings with Little Man.

Also, the caramel sundae from McD's on Thursday - something else I had a ton of when I was carrying Little Man.

I've been more tired, restless, and headachey than normal.

My breasts have been more sensitive overall (though that started back in June before the June 10th miscarriage) but they've STAYED sensitive which was something that happened when I was carrying Little Man.

I think the fact that I have more pregnancy symptoms than I did in June and that my overall feeling this time is not one tinged with a sensation of "wrongness" is a good sign.

I kicked around the idea a number of times while waiting for my period that didn't come -- all those "what ifs" and such.

Whereas, back in June, nothing felt quite "right" or "natural."

So I am hoping this is a good sign for this time around.

I go for an ultrasound on Monday at 2 p.m. and then I have to see my DR for the results on Friday.

So I just have to try to relax and be as calm and as positive as possible.

I really hope this all works out.

I just want to have a happy, healthy baby.

WTF is going on?????

OK I am seriously confused right now.

I have been feeling sick as a dog for about a week.

I have had one period since the miscarriage on June 10th. I odd spotting July 4th - July 11th.

Then, since that point - nothing.

We did not have unprotected sex in July.

We did not have unprotected sex in August.

At the beginning of Sept, we did have one slip-up that I had forgotten about until I was talking about all this with T. before I started to write this post.

However; the pregnant line on this test is darker than on the one test I kept from before the miscarriage.

So I have a couple of theories here...

#1 - maybe the slip-up at the beginning of September did it BUT that doesn't make sense since I have not HAD a period since July. With no period, how could I be ovulating?

#2 - maybe there is something seriously wrong with my hormones and this is a false positive (though that is apparently rare)

#3 - maybe the miscarriage in July was incomplete (even though the DR said that the ultrasound showed everything had been expelled) or maybe I was WAY earlier on than everyone thought and it was too small to detect and maybe there were 2 eggs and I only lost one?

#4 - another highly unlikely one but maybe this is a molar pregnancy

Not sure what to think. Looking fwd to the DR's office being open so I can call and get in there today.

All I know is that I cannot get my hopes up this time. Because I don't want to break again.