26 wks

Your pregnancy: 26 weeks


How your baby's growing:

The network of nerves in your baby's ears is better developed and more sensitive than before. He may now be able to hear both your voice and your partner's as you chat with each other.

He's inhaling and exhaling small amounts of amniotic fluid, which is essential for the development of his lungs. These so-called breathing movements are also good practice for when he's born and takes that first gulp of air. And he's continuing to put on baby fat.

He now weighs about a pound and two-thirds and measures 14 inches (an English hothouse cucumber) from head to heel. If you're having a boy, his testicles are beginning to descend into his scrotum — a trip that will take about two to three days.

Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

How your life's changing:

Are you rushing around trying to get to childbirth classes and prepare your baby's room while still taking care of all your other daily tasks?

Make sure that you also continue to eat well and get plenty of rest. Around this time, your blood pressure may be increasing slightly, although it's probably still lower than it was before you got pregnant. (Typically, blood pressure falls toward the end of the first trimester, and it tends to reach a low at about 22 to 24 weeks.)

Preeclampsia — a serious disorder characterized by high blood pressure and protein in your urine — most often shows up after 37 weeks, but it can happen earlier so it's important to be aware of the warning signs of this condition.

Call your caregiver if you have swelling in your face or puffiness around your eyes, more than slight swelling of your hands, excessive or sudden swelling of your feet or ankles, or rapid weight gain (more than 4 pounds in a week).

With more severe preeclampsia, you may experience other symptoms. Let your caregiver know immediately if you have a severe or persistent headache, vision changes (including double or blurred vision, seeing spots or flashing lights, sensitivity to light, or temporary loss of vision), intense pain or tenderness in your upper abdomen, or vomiting.

If your lower back seems a little achy lately, you can thank both your growing uterus — which shifts your center of gravity, stretches out and weakens your abdominal muscles, and may be pressing on a nerve — as well as hormonal changes that loosen your joints and ligaments. Plus, the extra weight you're carrying means more work for your muscles and increased stress on your joints, which is why you may feel worse at the end of the day.

Walking, standing, or sitting for long periods, as well as bending and lifting can all put a strain on your back. A warm bath or hot compress might bring relief. (Some women, though, find cool compresses more comforting.) Try to maintain good posture during the day, avoid activities that require bending and twisting at the same time, take frequent breaks when sitting or standing, and sleep on your side with one or both knees bent with a pillow between your legs, using another pillow (or wedge) to support your abdomen.

Soothing sore feet "To help yourself relax, immerse your feet in a basin filled with warm water. Add a few drops of scented oil and enjoy." — Anonymous

Decision Guide: Should you create a birth plan?

Writing a birth plan can give you an opportunity to think about — and discuss with your partner and caregiver — how you'd ideally like your delivery to be handled. The process of creating a birth plan can be a terrific way to learn more about labor and your own preferences for care. But keep in mind that labor is inherently unpredictable, and you'll need to stay flexible in case things come up that require you and your birth team to veer from the plan.

So is it worth doing?

If you use the birth plan as an educational tool to learn more about your options during labor and delivery and as a point of departure for talking to your caregiver and communicating your wishes, you can't go wrong.

In a recent BabyCenter poll about birth plans, 54 percent of those who responded said their plan was irrelevant once actual labor started. "My birth plan pretty much went out the window once I got to the hospital. But not sticking to the plan didn't take away from my birth experience at all," said one respondent. On the other hand, 46 percent said their birth plans did help them create the birth experience they wanted. Said one new mom: "I was amazed. My midwife and the nurses followed my birth plan like an instruction manual. I was so worried because I had heard all these awful stories about how the hospital staff really doesn't care about birth plans. I got everything I wanted out of my daughter's birth."

If you decide you want to try making a birth plan, it can be as long or short as you like. Some women simply write down their birth philosophy and a general sense of how they'd like things to go. For instance, "I'd like to have as natural a birth as possible. Please don't offer me pain relief medication or do any interventions unless necessary." Or "I'd like my labor to be relatively pain-free and want an epidural as early as possible."

Some issues to consider when creating a birth plan:

• Do you want a drug-free labor or are you banking on an epidural? If you're not sure, it's okay to make a note of that.

• Do you want your delivery to be a private affair (just the attending medical team and your partner)? Would you like other family members or friends in the room for support? Is it okay if medical students or residents are present during your birth?

• Do you want a mirror brought in so you can see your baby crowning?

• Would you like to have the room as quiet as possible? Have special music playing? The lights dimmed? A video camera rolling?

• After your baby's born, do you want your partner to cut the cord? Would you or your partner like to stay with your baby during any procedures or exams?

• Do you plan to breastfeed?

• Do you want your baby to stay with you around-the-clock?

• Are you willing to pay extra for a private room if one's available?

For a detailed look at all the questions to consider, see BabyCenter's online Birth Plan tool.

This Week's Activity:

Discuss some personal issues. Would you like to have your son circumcised? If so, do you want it done in the hospital? Will you have a religious ceremony after your baby's born? Would you like to stay home with your baby full- or part-time? These are just a few of the big decisions you and your partner should discuss now. Even if you think you both agree, it's best to share your opinions openly to avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

belly pic

Well, they say if you have heartburn - your baby will have a lot of hair... that would mean, if the old wives' tale is true - that my baby is going to be a bloody Sasquatch ;>

OMG the heartburn is wicked!

Need to upload the most recent belly pic...

It looks a little odd -- it's hard to snap them myself but often when I think of it, I am by myself.

25 wks pregnant

Your pregnancy: 25 weeks

How your baby's growing
Head to heels, your baby now measures about 13 1/2 inches. Her weight — a pound and a half — isn't much more than an average rutabaga, but she's beginning to exchange her long, lean look for some baby fat. As she does, her wrinkled skin will begin to smooth out and she'll start to look more and more like a newborn. She's also growing more hair — and if you could see it, you'd now be able to discern its color and texture.

See what your baby looks like this week.

Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

How your life's changing

Your baby's not the only one with more hair — your locks may look more full and lustrous than ever. It's not that you're growing more hair, but thanks to hormonal changes, the hair that you'd normally shed is sticking around longer than usual. Enjoy the fullness while you can — the extra hair will fall out after you give birth.

You may also notice that you can't move around as gracefully as before. Unless your caregiver has advised you otherwise, it's fine to continue to exercise, but follow a few safety rules: Don't work out when you're feeling overly tired and stop if you feel any pain, dizziness, or shortness of breath. Don't lie flat on your back and avoid contact sports as well as any exercise where you're apt to lose your balance. Be sure to drink plenty of water, and make time for both warm-up and cool-down periods.

When you have your glucose-screening test at 24 to 28 weeks, a second tube of blood may be taken at the same time to check for anemia. If blood tests show that you have iron-deficiency anemia (the most common type of anemia), your caregiver will probably recommend that you take an iron supplement.

Have you started thinking about baby names yet? Choosing a name is an important decision, but it should be a fun one, too. You may want to consider family history (Great Grandpa Zeb), favorite locations (Venice, where you honeymooned), or cherished literary or film characters (Greta, Meg, or Atticus, for example). Check out a couple of baby-name books to help you brainstorm, too.

Constipation cure: "To ease constipation, add oat or wheat bran to anything you can think of — cereal, yogurt, smoothies, or even spaghetti sauce." — Kristin

3 Questions About...Third trimester prenatal care
Q1.
How often will I see my caregiver in the third trimester?

Between 28 and 36 weeks, you'll see your caregiver every two weeks. One month before your due date, this will increase to once a week.

Q2.
What will she do at each appointment?

• Ask how you're feeling physically and emotionally and follow up on any issues raised at your last appointment. Among other things, she'll want to know if you're having contractions, vaginal bleeding, or unusual discharge; if you're having headaches; and if you're feeling anxious or depressed. Let her know if you have any symptoms that haven't been addressed.

• Ask about your baby's movements. She'll remind you to call if you sense that your baby has gotten less active. At some point, she may ask you to start counting your baby's movements for a set period of time each day.

• Weigh you and check your urine for signs of preeclampsia, urinary tract infections, and other problems. Take your blood pressure and check your ankles, hands, and face for swelling.

• Check your baby's heartbeat and do an abdominal exam to estimate your baby's size and position. She'll measure the distance between your pubic bone and the top of your uterus to see if your baby's growth rate seems normal.

• Possibly check your cervix. Don't expect a pelvic exam at every visit. Many caregivers don't do one unless they have a specific concern, such as preterm labor. Once you pass your due date, your provider will check your cervix to help decide whether (or when) to induce your labor.

• Tell you what to watch out for. She'll tell you about the signs of preterm labor and preeclampsia, and review other warning signs that should prompt a call. As your due date nears, she'll discuss the signs of labor and let you know when you should get in touch with her.

• Go over your labor and delivery questions. Make a list with your partner and bring it to a prenatal visit.

• Discuss postpartum decisions like whether you plan to breastfeed or circumcise your son. She'll also discuss your options for postpartum contraception. If you haven't found a doctor for your baby, your caregiver can give you some names.

Q3.
What tests are coming up?

Depending on your situation you may be offered:

• Hematocrit/hemoglobin: This blood test for anemia is usually repeated during the third trimester. (If you were tested when you took your glucose challenge test and the results were normal, it might not be repeated.)

• Gestational diabetes testing: If you have a normal glucose screening test between 24 and 28 weeks, consider yourself done. But if your screening results are abnormal and you haven't yet done the glucose tolerance test, you'll be tested now.

• Rh antibody screening: If you're Rh-negative, the antibody screen will be repeated (usually at the same time as your glucose challenge test) and you'll get an injection of Rh immune globulin at 28 weeks. In the unlikely case that some of your baby's blood gets into your bloodstream, the Rh immune globulin will protect you from developing antibodies that could pose a risk to future babies or even this one. (Note: if your baby's father takes a blood test and is found to be Rh-negative like you, you'll know that your baby is also Rh-negative so you won't need the Rh immune globulin.)

• Tests for sexually transmitted infections: If you're at high risk, your caregiver will do cervical cultures to check for chlamydia and gonorrhea, and your blood will be tested for syphilis. It's a wise idea to be retested for HIV as well if there's any chance you contracted it since your original test because treatment is available that dramatically reduces the risk of transmitting it to your baby.

• Group B strep test: Between 35 and 37 weeks, you'll be checked for group B streptococci (GBS) in your vagina and rectum. You won't be treated right away if the cultures are positive, because early treatment is no guarantee that the bacteria won't return. Instead, you'll be treated with IV antibiotics when you're in labor. (If you've previously given birth to a baby who had GBS, you can skip this test because you'll be given antibiotics in labor no matter what.)

• Biophysical profiles and nonstress tests: If you have certain pregnancy complications or you've passed your due date, these tests will be ordered to check on your baby.

This Week's Activity

Dedicate time to your partner this week. Treat your partner to a romantic surprise. Write down all the things you love about him, tell him why you think he'll be a great dad, or just go for a stroll while holding hands. Take time to connect on a physical and emotional level and celebrate what connects you and makes you love one another. Try to do something at least once a week that clearly communicates the importance of your partner in your life, says clinical psychologist Diane Sanford.

belly pic

Your pregnancy: 24 weeks

How your baby's growing:

Your baby's growing steadily, having gained about 4 ounces since last week. That puts him at just over a pound.

Since he's almost a foot long (picture an ear of corn), he cuts a pretty lean figure at this point, but his body is filling out proportionally and he'll soon start to plump up. His brain is also growing quickly now, and his taste buds are continuing to develop. His lungs are developing "branches" of the respiratory "tree" as well as cells that produce surfactant, a substance that will help his air sacs inflate once he hits the outside world.

His skin is still thin and translucent, but that will start to change soon.


How your life's changing:

In the past few weeks, the top of your uterus has risen above your belly button and is now about the size of a soccer ball.

Most women have a glucose screening test (also called a glucose challenge test or GCT) between now and 28 weeks.

This test checks for gestational diabetes, a pregnancy-related high-blood-sugar condition. Untreated diabetes increases your risk of having a difficult vaginal delivery or needing a cesarean section because it causes your baby to grow too large, especially in his upper body.

It also raises your baby's odds for other complications like low blood sugar right after birth. A positive result on your GCT doesn't mean you have gestational diabetes, but it does mean that you'll need to take the glucose tolerance test (GTT) to find out for sure.

Finally, if you don't already know how to spot the signs of preterm labor, now's the time to learn. Contact your caregiver immediately if you notice any of the signs mentioned below.

3 Questions About...Preterm labor

More than 12 percent of babies in the United States are born prematurely (before 37 weeks). About a quarter of these births are intentional, meaning that the medical team decides to induce labor early or perform a c-section because of a serious medical condition such as severe or worsening preeclampsia or because the baby has stopped growing.

The rest are known as spontaneous preterm births. You may end up having a spontaneous preterm birth if prior to 37 weeks you go into labor, your water breaks, or your cervix dilates with no contractions.

While there are some known risk factors for preterm labor, such as having certain genital tract infections, placental problems, or cervical insufficiency, in many cases no one knows what causes a woman to go into labor before term.

So it's important for all pregnant women to learn the signs of premature labor and what to do if it happens to you.

Q1.
What are the signs of preterm labor?

Call your midwife or doctor right away if you're having any of the following symptoms before 37 weeks:

• An increase in vaginal discharge
• A change in the type of discharge — if it becomes watery, mucus-like, or bloody (even if it's pink or just tinged with blood)
• Any vaginal bleeding or spotting
• Abdominal pain, menstrual-like cramping, or more than four contractions in one hour (even if they don't hurt)
• An increase in pressure in the pelvic area (a feeling that your baby is pushing down)
• Low back pain, especially if you didn't previously have back pain


These symptoms can be confusing because some of them, such as pelvic pressure or low back pain, occur during normal pregnancies too, and early contractions may just be harmless Braxton Hicks contractions. But it's always better to be safe than sorry, so call your midwife or doctor right away if you're experiencing anything unusual.

Q2.
What should I do if I think I'm going into labor prematurely?

If you have signs of preterm labor or think you're leaking amniotic fluid, call your practitioner, who'll likely have you go to the hospital for further assessment.

Once there, your medical team will monitor your contractions, watch your baby's heart rate, and test your urine for signs of infection.

A doctor or midwife will do a speculum exam to see whether your membranes have ruptured. She may swab your cervix and vagina and send one sample to the lab to check for an infection and another for a fetal fibronectin (fFN) test.

This test analyzes your cervical and vaginal fluid for the presence of a protein that helps bind the amniotic sac to the lining of your uterus. Between 24 and 34 weeks, elevated levels of fFN mean that this "glue" is disintegrating ahead of schedule (due to contractions or injury to the amniotic sac).

A negative result means that it's highly unlikely that you'll give birth in the next week or two, which can set your mind at ease and allow your practitioner to hold off on treatments that may prove to be unnecessary.

Q3.
Will my baby be okay if he's born early?

The closer your baby is to full term at birth, the more likely he is to survive and the less likely he is to have health problems. Premature babies born between 34 and 37 weeks generally do fine, although they are still at higher risk for short- and long-term problems compared to babies born full term.

On the other end of the continuum are babies who are extremely premature: These days, some babies born as early as 24 weeks (or even a bit earlier) may survive thanks to advances in neonatal care, but these extremely preterm infants require significant medical interventions and long stays in neonatal intensive care units (NICUs), and the survivors often have serious long-term problems.

The best thing you can do to reduce your risk of preterm birth is to avoid known dangers to your baby like smoking, drinking, and illicit drug use. Eat a nutritious diet, keep all of your prenatal appointments, and report any symptoms or problems to your caregiver promptly.

This Week's Activity:

Tackle your home improvement projects. Sit down with your partner and take stock of the things you'd like to fix around the house before your little one arrives. Then let your partner handle them. (You shouldn't be exposing yourself to chemicals or getting up on ladders.) Some things for the list:


• Install or check smoke detectors, get a fire extinguisher for each floor of your house, and plan a fire escape route.
• Fix or remove any broken furniture or fixtures.
• Paint the nursery, hang curtain rods, assemble new furniture.

1st appt with my OBGYN

So, I took H. with me to be my brain, essentially, and she did a damn good job of it.

I still forgot to ask about how long I can work, about my bouts of swelling feet and about the occasional heart palpitations when I lay down to go to bed (though my family DR was aware of all that and had no concerns or restrictions other than not lifting anything more than 10 lbs and staying off my feet as much as I can).

My weight on the scale at the OBGYN's office was more in line with what my scale at home says and NOT what the scale at my family DR's office said (too bad though, I liked the idea of being lighter).

So according to their scale I am 283 lbs. Which, according to my home scale means I've gained 11 lbs so far.

I guess I am OK with that.

I need to decide whether or not I will have a tubal ligation at the same time as my C-section. My OBGYN does recommend doing it at the same time and thinks it's the best option for me but now I find myself re-thinking the finality of it.

As well, I've been hearing some horror stories online about the side effects women have experienced after getting one done.

*sigh*

I go back for my next appt the morning of Jan 12th.

Oh and there are no concerns about the LEEP I had in Jan '08 and the performance of my cervix. He checked my cervix and the baby was fine.

He said that the max time he will schedule a C-section is 10 days before my due date.

My due date was changed to April 3rd at my 2nd ultrasound so that means the earliest (unless I go into labour) that I will have my baby is - March 24, 2010.

I was really hoping for March 18th because that would be during March Break so I could just have Little Man stay with his father or with some of my friends and not have to worry about how to get him to and from school and all of that.

And of course, I am worried that I might just go into labour early anyway. If that happens, I will still have a C-section but it might be a lil more scary than a scheduled one but hopefully LESS scary than the emergency one I had to deliver Little Man.

Oh but if I go into labour before my scheduled C-section date, I might not have the same OBGYN and I really am not fond of that idea either...

In other news, my baby's heartrate was 153 bpm on the doppler.

There is a funny little site that supposedly predicts a child's gender via their heartrate on their ultrasound dates. But I'll put in the doppler rates too and we'll see which gender is winning.

http://www.babybpm.com/

1st ultrasound



family DR office with doppler



2nd ultrasound



family DR office with doppler



OBGYN office with doppler

This was so cool!

The baby kicked or punched me and I actually saw my stomach move and I felt it from the inside AND the outside for the first time.

I hollered for Daddy-O to get over and put his hand on my stomach but the baby did it once more before he got there and then stopped.

Still -- AWESOME!!!! :>

Edited to add: Torin got to feel the baby moving when he had his hand on my tummy!!! :>

Your pregnancy: 23 weeks

Turn on the radio and sway to the music. With her sense of movement well developed by now, your baby can feel you dance. And now that she's more than 11 inches long and weighs just over a pound (about as much as a large mango), you may be able to see her squirm underneath your clothes.

Blood vessels in her lungs are developing to prepare for breathing, and the sounds that your baby's increasingly keen ears pick up are preparing her for entry into the outside world. Loud noises that become familiar now — such as your dog barking or the roar of the vacuum cleaner — probably won't faze her when she hears them outside the womb.

Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

You may notice that your ankles and feet start to swell a bit in the coming weeks or months, especially at the end of the day or during the heat of summer. Sluggish circulation in your legs — coupled with changes in your blood chemistry that may cause some water retention — may result in swelling, also known as edema.

Your body will get rid of the extra fluid after you have your baby, which is why you'll pee frequently and sweat a lot for a few days after delivery. In the meantime, lie on your left side or put your feet up when you can, stretch out your legs when you sit, and avoid sitting — or standing — in one place for long periods. Also, try to exercise regularly to increase circulation, and wear support stockings (put them on first thing in the morning) and roomy, comfortable shoes.

You may be tempted to skimp on liquids to combat swelling, but you need to drink plenty of water because staying hydrated actually helps prevent fluid retention. While a certain amount of edema in your lower extremities is normal during pregnancy, excessive swelling may be a sign of a serious condition called preeclampsia. Be sure to call your midwife or doctor if you have severe or sudden swelling of your feet or ankles, more than slight swelling of your hands, swelling in your face, or puffiness around your eyes.

This Week's Activity:

Write a letter to your baby. You and your child will treasure this gift for years to come. Go with your heart and follow your inspiration. If you need help getting started:

• Describe your feelings toward your baby and what it's like to know she's growing inside you.

• Imagine a perfect day with your baby and what you'll do together.

• Write down your hopes, dreams, and wishes for your baby.

• Think about what being a mother means to you and your definition of what makes a good mother.

If writing isn't your style, put together a collage or a memory box of pregnancy mementos, says Diane Sanford, a clinical psychologist whose focus is on helping women make the transition to motherhood.

Baby movements

Just want to say that I am happy to report that the baby has been moving with frequency and in a noticable manner (still not to anyone other than me though) and it's making me feel a lot calmer.

Almost 23 wks now!!!

:>

22 wk info from babycenter.com

How your baby's growing:
At 11 inches (the length of a spaghetti squash) and almost 1 pound, your baby is starting to look like a miniature newborn. His lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are becoming more distinct, and he's even developing tiny tooth buds beneath his gums. His eyes have formed, but his irises (the colored part of the eye) still lack pigment. If you could see inside your womb, you'd be able to spot the fine hair (lanugo) that covers his body and the deep wrinkles on his skin, which he'll sport until he adds a padding of fat to fill them in. Inside his belly, his pancreas — essential for the production of some important hormones — is developing steadily.

Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.
How your life's changing:

At this point, you may find your belly becoming a hand magnet. It's perfectly okay to tell folks who touch your tummy that you'd rather they didn't. And if people are telling you that you look smaller or bigger than you should at this point, remember that each woman grows — and shows — at her own rate. What's important is that you see your practitioner for regular visits so she can make sure your baby's growth is on track.

You may start to notice stretch marks on your abdomen as it expands to accommodate your growing baby. At least half of all pregnant women will develop stretch marks by the time they give birth. These small streaks of differently textured skin can range from pink to dark brown (depending on your skin color). Although they most commonly appear on your tummy, stretch marks may also show up on your buttocks, thighs, hips, and breasts. There's no proof that lotion helps prevent stretch marks, but keeping your skin moisturized may help with any itching.

Write it down "I kept a journal for my son while I was pregnant, and I brought it to the hospital with me so I could write in it as soon as I was up to it. It really helped to share all the feelings I was having." — Anonymous
Surprising Facts: Body changes beyond your belly

You expected your belly to grow — and perhaps your breasts, too — but the following physical changes may take you by surprise. As with many pregnancy changes, hormones play a role in most of these alterations in your looks.

• Thicker, more lustrous hair You're not actually growing more hair, just losing less than normal. During pregnancy, your body sheds hair much more slowly than it did before. What to do: If thicker hair is a boon for you, enjoy it. If it's making your mane more unruly than ever, ask your stylist to do some thinning at your next cut. These changes won't last forever. After your baby's born, you'll start to lose this excess hair, sometimes in clumps.

• Increased body hair Sex hormones known as androgens can cause new hair to sprout on your chin, upper lip, jaw, and cheeks. Stray hairs can also pop up on your belly, arms, legs, and back. What to do: Tweezing, waxing, and shaving are all safe ways to manage these temporary changes.

• Faster-growing fingernails Your fingernails may grow more quickly than usual, and you may notice changes in texture. Some women's nails get harder, while others' get softer or more brittle. What to do: Protect your nails by wearing rubber gloves when you're cleaning, and using moisturizer on them if they're brittle.

• Skin changes Some pregnant women report that their skin has never looked better. If that's you, enjoy the proverbial "glow." Others find the hormones of pregnancy aggravate skin conditions such as acne. What to do: Wash twice a day with a gentle soap or cleanser, and make sure that any moisturizer or makeup you use is oil-free.

• Stretch marks As your belly expands to accommodate your growing baby, you may get tiny tears in the supportive tissue that lies just beneath your skin, resulting in striations of varying color. These marks will begin to fade and become considerably less noticeable about six to 12 months after you give birth. There's not much you can do besides trying not to gain more than the recommended amount of weight. Heredity is responsible for the natural elasticity of your skin and plays a role in determining who will end up with stretch marks.

• Skin discolorations Increased melanin can cause splotchy patches of darkened skin on your face. These pigment changes may become intensified if you spend time in the sun. What to do: Protect your face by using a sunblock that offers both UVA and UVB protection with an SPF of 30 or higher, wearing a hat with a brim, and avoiding the sun during peak hours of the day (10 a.m. to 2 p.m.).

• Larger and darker nipples and areolas You may find that your nipples and the pigmented area around them (the areolas) are getting bigger and darker. The little bumps on your areolas, known as Montgomery's tubercles, may also be more pronounced. These bumps are oil-producing glands that help fight off bacteria and lubricate the skin. Some women also notice more pronounced veins in their breasts. What to do: Nothing!

• Larger feet Your feet may go up half a shoe size or more. Lax ligaments may make your feet spread a bit — permanently. Swelling can make your shoes feel tight as well, although it will go away after delivery. What to do: Buy comfortable shoes to accommodate your growing feet.

This Week's Activity:

Check out your rings. It's common to have some swelling in your fingers as your pregnancy progresses. If your rings are feeling the least bit snug, do yourself a favor and take them off now before it's too late (or at least keep an eye on them). If you can't bear to be separated from your wedding band or another important ring when you can no longer sport it on your finger, loop it on a chain and wear it close to your heart.

belly pic

21 wks & 6 days pregnant belly pic



Today my grandmother made a comment about how I had not lost any weight. Ummn, yeah -- I'm not supposed to be losing weight.

*sigh*

Anyway, I suppose since they pushed my EDD from April 4th to April 3rd that now I *ought* to count Saturdays as the new start of my wk (which would make me 22 wks pregnant today) but, since it is only a day difference -- I'll keep my countdown matching my original EDD.

My appt today

DR had a bit of a tough time finding the baby's heartbeat but he did and it was 130 (just like last time).

My blood pressure was 120 over 80.

I asked about my placenta placement and it is posterior, behind the uterus.

And I have paperwork to give to my OBGYN on the 9th...

From my first u/s (for dating purposes) of Sept 28, 2009 -- it says:

crown-rump length of 5.8 cm
Biparietal diameter of 1.8 cm
head circumference of 7.3 cm
abdominal circumference of 6.5 cm

The average of these measurements is about a 13 wk size.

fetal heart rate - 165 bpm

cervical canal is closed & both maternal ovaries were outlined and look normal. No free fluid is present.

From my 2nd u/s of Nov 5, 2009 -- it says:

There is a single, live intrauterine gestation with cephalic presentation.

Biparietal diameter: 4.1 cm = 18 wks, 4 days

head circumference: 14.8 cm = 18 wks, 0 days

abdominal circumference: 15.0 cm = 20 wks, 2 days

femur length: 2.6 cm = 18 wks, 0 days

The average of these measurements is 18 wks, 5 days. Therefore size = dates according to the last u/s.

Visualization is somewhat limited but there is no obvious fetal anomaly. The placenta is posterior & clear of the internal os. The cervix measures 4.6 cm.

The amniotic fluid volume is within normal limits.

fetal heart rate - 145 bpm


IMPRESSION:
The est. gestational age based on size is 18 wks, 5 days.

For my quad screening blood work:

Screening result: screen negative
risk of Down`s: 1 in 19,000 (at term)
risk of NTD: 1 in 2,300
comment: Down`s risk due to maternal age alone is 1 in 200

Open spina bifida: maternal serum AFP is NOT elevated for a pregnancy of this gestational age

Down syndrome: the risk of Down`s syndrome is below the screening cut-off (1 in 200). No follow up is recommended.


Also, according to the paperwork re: last 3 appts

_____ G.Age___Weight______B.P.___Urine prot.__SFH___ Fetal HR
Oct 2/09_13_____119.8 kg___130/80_____1+ _______13______ --
Oct 28/09 _17 ___ 127.5 kg___140/90______0 _______17 _____ 130
Nov 25/09 _21 ____123.5 kg _ 120/80_____1+ _______20 _____ 130


Found a website about 2nd & 3rd trimester u/s -- though they use mm not cm on their chart... still an interesting read though.

http://www.brooksidepress.org/Products/Military_OBGYN/Ultrasound/2ndand3rdTrimesterUltrasoundScanning.htm

Still concerned about the relative inactivity of my wee one

Many of the other moms-to-be on babycenter.com are posting about how much their babies are moving around in-utero.

Mine is still surprisingly quiet. And I am 21 wks pregnant today...

Yet, when I had my 18-wk ultrasound -- the baby was really moving a LOT and I didn't feel a thing.

I have a DR appt on Wednesday so I should be able to hear the wee one's heartbeat again and be more reassured.

My countdown to seeing my OBGYN is also getting closer.

Interestingly enough, I've been waking up with songs like "Kids" & "Don't stop believin'" & "Where do the children play" stuck in my head - so I hope it's not just because I like those songs, but rather it's a subconcious msg to myself that all is well with my wee one.

21 wks pregnant - info from babycenter.com

Your pregnancy: 21 weeks

How your baby's growing:
Your baby now weighs about three-quarters of a pound and is approximately 10 1/2 inches long — the length of a carrot. You may soon feel like she's practicing martial arts as her initial fluttering movements turn into full-fledged kicks and nudges. You may also discover a pattern to her activity as you get to know her better. In other developments, your baby's eyebrows and lids are present now, and if you're having a girl, her vagina has begun to form as well.

See what your baby looks like this week.

Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

How your life's changing:

You're probably feeling pretty comfortable these days. You're not too big yet, and the usual discomforts associated with early pregnancy are, for the most part, gone. If you're feeling good, relax and enjoy it while you can — the third trimester may bring with it a new crop of complaints.

That's not to say you won't have some minor glitches to deal with now. For example, increased oil production may contribute to the development (or worsening) of acne. If that's the case, be diligent about washing well with a gentle soap or cleanser twice a day, and make sure that any moisturizer or make-up you use is oil-free. Don't take any oral acne medications — some are very hazardous during pregnancy — or use any topical acne products without first checking with your practitioner.

You're also more prone to varicose veins now. As your pregnancy progresses, there's increasing pressure on the veins in your legs; higher progesterone levels, which may cause the walls of your veins to relax, can make the problem worse. You're more likely to get varicose veins if other family members have them. Also, they tend to get worse with each successive pregnancy and as you age. To help prevent or minimize varicose veins, exercise daily, prop up your feet and legs whenever possible, sleep on your left side, and wear maternity support hose.

You may also notice so-called spider veins (a group of tiny blood vessels near the surface of your skin), particularly on your ankles, legs, or face. They may have a spider- or sunburst-like pattern with little branches radiating out from the center, they may look like the branches of a tree, or they may be a group of separate thin lines with no particular pattern. Though they may be a bit unsightly, spider veins don't cause discomfort and usually disappear after delivery.

most recent belly pic

time is passing

It's certainly exciting and daunting to realize that I am 20 wks pregnant.

Little Man says, "Good night, whoever you are," to my belly when I tuck him in.

Because I am an overweight woman - I do not feel a lot of movement and that still drives me bonkers even though at my 18 wk ultrasound Wee One was moving like crazy.

I don't even have an anterior placenta as an excuse. The ultrasound tech said my placenta is attached on my left side and was looking good.

But, each day that I continue to be pregnant makes me happy. I get excited about my future and my baby's future.

I am still paranoid about *jinxing* things though but as I grow closer and closer to the time of minimum age of viability -- I feel like I can breathe just a little easier.

Also, I keep thinking this one is going to be a girl. Whether I am correct or not may remain a surprise until Wee One is born, but whether or not it's a he or a she... I am going to love this baby.

When I was carrying Little Man, I really wanted a girl. I had always sort of envisioned having a daughter for my first-born and then a son for my second.

Maybe I had it backwards... or maybe Little Man will do the Dance of Joy when Wee One is born and Wee One will turn out to be another lovely son.

*shrug*

I'm just excited to get farther along so I *WILL* start feeling those movements until they make me crazy ;>

T. is really looking fwd to when he'll be able to feel the Wee One (though that might be awhile).

Earlier today, Little Man, Rhyme Girl and I were looking through Little Man's 1st two baby albums.

All those precious moments.

Can't wait to share new moments with Wee One.

20 wks info - from babycenter.com

How your baby's growing:

Your baby weighs about 10 1/2 ounces now. He's also around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom and about 10 inches from head to heel — the length of a banana. (For the first 20 weeks, when a baby's legs are curled up against his torso and hard to measure, measurements are taken from the top of his head to his bottom — the "crown to rump" measurement. After 20 weeks, he's measured from head to toe.)

He's swallowing more these days, which is good practice for his digestive system. He's also producing meconium, a black, sticky by-product of digestion. This gooey substance will accumulate in his bowels, and you'll see it in his first soiled diaper (some babies pass meconium in the womb or during delivery).

Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

Congratulations! You've hit the halfway mark in your pregnancy. The top of your uterus is about level with your belly button, and you've likely gained around 10 pounds.

Expect to gain another pound or so each week from now on. (If you started your pregnancy underweight, you may need to gain a bit more; if you were overweight, perhaps a bit less.) Make sure you're getting enough iron, a mineral that's used primarily to make hemoglobin (the part of your red blood cells that carries oxygen). During pregnancy, your body needs more iron to keep up with your expanding blood volume, as well as for your growing baby and the placenta. Red meat is one of the best sources of iron for pregnant women. Poultry (especially the dark meat) and shellfish also contain iron. Some common non-meat sources of iron include legumes, soy-based products, spinach, prune juice, raisins, and iron-fortified cereals.

If you haven't already signed up for a childbirth education class, you may want to look into one, especially if you're a first-timer. A structured class will help prepare you and your partner for the rigors of labor and delivery. Most hospitals and birth centers offer classes, either as weekly meetings or as a single intensive, one-day session. Many communities have independent instructors as well. Ask your friends, family members, or caregiver for recommendations.
Take an extra pillow to bed tonight "I found it so much easier to sleep on my side when I hugged a pillow and wrapped my legs around it. In fact, two years after the birth of my child, it's still my favorite way to fall asleep." — Clara

Surprising Facts: Getting a good night's rest

It may become more difficult to sleep through the night as your pregnancy progresses, thanks to some obvious and not-so-obvious changes taking place in your body. You may be surprised to find that:

• You start snoring for the first time in your life, thanks in part to more estrogen, which contributes to swelling of the mucous membranes that line the nose and may even cause you to make more mucus. What to do: Sleep on your side and elevate your head slightly.

• Heartburn and indigestion can make it extra uncomfortable to lie down in bed. What to do: Avoid foods that trigger your heartburn, give yourself two to three hours to digest a meal before going to bed, and try sleeping semi-upright in a comfy recliner or propped up with extra pillows under your upper body.

• Leg cramps jar you out of a deep sleep. What to do: Ease the cramp by straightening your leg, heel first and gently flexing your toes back toward your shins, or walk around for a few minutes.

• You toss and turn all night trying to find a comfortable sleeping position. What to do: Lie on your side with your knees bent and a pillow between your legs. For extra comfort and support, arrange other pillows under your belly and behind your back. Or try using a contoured maternity body pillow.

• You become hot and sweaty in the middle of the night. It's common for pregnant women to feel a little warmer than usual thanks to shifts in your metabolism, hormones, and weight. What to do: Keep your bedroom cool and strip down to the bare essentials. Keep slippers and a snuggly bathrobe handy for those nighttime trips to the bathroom.

• Getting out of bed is harder than ever! What to do: Roll over onto your side so you're facing the edge of the bed. Dangle your legs over the side and use your arms to push yourself into a sitting position. Plant your feet squarely on the floor and then stand up.

Wear sleepwear made of a natural, breathable fiber like cotton. Avoid synthetics, which trap moisture next to your skin and can leave you damp and chilled.

• Sometimes even when you're exhausted, you just can't sleep. So do you toss and turn waiting for sleep to catch up with you — or do something else in the meantime?

This Week's Activity:

Treat yourself to something nice. You've made it to the halfway mark in your pregnancy, so celebrate with a little indulgence. Need some ideas?
• For your comfort, try scented candles, a new nightgown or pajamas, or a prenatal massage.
• For a keepsake, splurge on professional pictures of your pregnant self, or a beautiful frame for your baby's first picture after birth. (In the meantime, you can use an ultrasound picture!)
• To feel like a hot momma, buy yourself a piece of clothing that makes you feel really sexy or get a free makeover at a department store.

most recent baby belly pic

Little Man and Rhyme Girl worked together to snap this pic for me tonight...

19 wks pregnant - info from babycenter.com

Your pregnancy: 19 weeks

How your baby's growing:

Your baby's sensory development is exploding! Her brain is designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch. Some research suggests that she may be able to hear your voice now, so don't be shy about reading aloud, talking to her, or singing a happy tune if the mood strikes you.

Your baby weighs about 8 1/2 ounces and measures 6 inches, head to bottom — about the size of a large heirloom tomato. Her arms and legs are in the right proportions to each other and the rest of her body now. Her kidneys continue to make urine and the hair on her scalp is sprouting. A waxy protective coating called the vernix caseosa is forming on her skin to prevent it from pickling in the amniotic fluid.

Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

Think you're big now? You'll start growing even faster in the weeks to come. As a result, you may notice some achiness in your lower abdomen or even an occasional brief, stabbing pain on one or both sides — especially when you shift position or at the end of an active day. Most likely, this is round ligament pain. The ligaments that support your uterus are stretching to accommodate its increasing weight. This is nothing to be alarmed about, but call your practitioner if the pain continues even when you're resting or becomes severe.

You may be noticing some skin changes, too. Are the palms of your hands red? Nothing to worry about — it's from the extra estrogen. You may also have patches of darkened skin caused by a temporary increase in pigment. When these darker patches appear on your upper lip, cheeks, and forehead, they're called chloasma, or the "mask of pregnancy." You may also notice some darkening of your nipples, freckles, scars, underarms, inner thighs, and vulva. That darkened line running from your belly button to your pubic bone is called the linea nigra, or "dark line."

These darkened spots will probably fade shortly after delivery. In the meantime, protect yourself from the sun, which intensifies the pigment changes. Cover up, wear a brimmed hat, and use sunscreen when you're outdoors. And if you're self-conscious about your "mask," a little concealing makeup can work wonders.


-----------------------
At my U/S on Thursday I was told the baby was 10 inches long and about 10 oz, very long and skinny at this stage...

belly pic

18 wk ultrasound

My EDD has been pushed back a day to April 3, 2010.

The baby was moving around and waved at Little Man (that's what the tech told LM when he and T. were allowed in).

Baby is measuring normally. 10 inches long about about 10 oz in weight I think the tech said.

HB - 145

Baby kept its legs closed the entire time according to the tech so even if the tech HAD been allowed to tell me anything, she said there was nothing to tell because the baby was shy.

I am going to add 2 of the U/S pics from today (but they aren't very clear unfortunately).

new belly pic

In one wk I get my next ultrasound :>

17th week appointment today

I had my 17th wk appt today.

I am up 8 lbs total. DR is not concerned even though that puts me at 280.

I was told that I have "perfect pee."

He did want me to watch my blood pressure because it was up a bit. Although he took it right after he had me climb up on the table so I expected it to be up a bit. *rolls eyes*

I go for my next ultrasound Nov 5th.

My SO and I got to hear the heartbeat via the Doppler and the baby is down at the lower right side of my torso (in the fattiest area which is also where I have the least sensation since my emerg C-section in 2002).

Heartrate was 130 at this one, during my 13 wk ultrasound it was 165 (but the baby was moving like crazy during that). I asked if something was wrong and he said that the baby was likely at rest and that 130 was a good heartrate.

DR said if I don't have warning signs that there is something wrong then the baby is fine and I need to stop worrying so much.

re: H1N1 - I do not have a choice about getting it because I have a mild allergy to eggs so I am ineligible to have that shot (or the regular flu shot).

They did *not* have my maternal blood screening results back yet (re: risk for Down's etc...) so I have to call back on Monday a.m.



And I think that was everything.

Most recent baby bump pic

This was taken on Saturday night...

I'm such a nervous nellie

So yesterday I noticed that my baby bump was not sitting as high as it was and since it was lower (more in my fatty areas) that it was not feeling as firm either.

Let the google searches ensue.

I couldn't find anything that said this was a bad thing, and I've not had any cramping or bleeding but I noticed that when I went to bed last night, I didn't feel the baby as much.

In general, I've been able to feel the baby when I am in bed at night, that's when the baby moves -- or at least when I notice (s)he moving.

I'm thinking this is because the baby has re-positioned into just an area where I have more padding.

*sigh*

I go in next wk for some blood work and have a longer appointment with my DR on the 28th.

I have the pre-birth clinic appt at the hospital on Nov 6th at 11 a.m. and my OBGYN appt on Dec 6th at 9 a.m. sharp.

I wonder when I get to have my next ultrasound? I really hope that we can be reassured that our baby is healthy and I'd LOVE to find out what my baby is.

A he or a she.

I keep wanting to say "she" but I've always wanted a girl.

When I was pregnant with the little man, I didn't know what I was having but, apparently, despite my desire for a girl (and many predictions saying girl) I would use the term "he" when I wasn't paying attention to what I am saying.

No one has commented on if I've called the baby a she or a he at this point so I still don't know.

Little Man said today, out of the blue, "maybe you'll have the baby on March 25th."

I asked why that day and he replied, "I don't know."

So Torin's vote in the baby pool is - March 25th and male

The lay of the land

So, I feel like I am trying to get the lay of the land, so to speak. Because it's been a long time since I've been 14 wks pregnant.

The last time was when I was carrying my Little Man who was born in the summer of 2002.

At night, when I lay down in the quiet, I can feel that internal fluttering. As if being not quite tickled from the inside of my flesh. The awesome strangeness of it.

I felt it when I was 15 wks carrying Little Man but I started feeling it last week with this one.

I've read that when you are over-weight that one doesn't always notice but I think that specific sensation is one that a mother never forgets.

I have to go back to my DR on Oct 28th. A week prior to that, I need to go in and see the nurse and have the pre-screening bloodwork done.

After all, I will be 37 in less than a week and I am overweight. Hell, let's not play around, I am medically classified as "obese."

So there are worries.

And yet, I feel in my heart that my baby is going to be fine as long as we make it all the way through the pregnancy.

I feel I have received "signs" from my late parents - letting me know that this pregnancy is going to work out.

And even though financially we are a MESS - with T. not working and me working PT - I just feel like it is all going to work out for the best somehow.

My aches and pains worry me, but that's just because I think we need to get past a minimum of 26 wks for a baby to survive premature birth. Once I get to 26 wks, I imagine I will worry far less than I do now.

I made a post on my main blog mentioning twinges and aches in my lower abdominal area since I don't remember that from when I was pregnant with Little Man... luckily my neice had her 2nd child almost 10 months ago so pregnancy is far more recent for her than for me so I can just bug her when I need to ;>

time line

M/C of surprise pregnancy starting June 10, 2009.

I was told to wait 3 cycles before TTC, that I might still experience pregnancy-like symptoms for awhile and that my period could take a couple of months to come back.

I did have a transvaginal U/S on June 15th (I think) which confirmed everything had been expelled.

I had some odd spotting in mid-July but no period.

Because I am older (37) and my birth Mom and grandmother started perimenopause in their 30s I began to wonder if that was happening to me.

Sept 24th I had a craving for a McD's caramel sundae. And I hadn't eaten one since my pregnancy with my son (born July 13, 2002).

Sept 25th - positive home pregnancy test & positive urine test at DRs office.

Sept 28th - transvaginal U/S to date my pregnancy. 13 wks and 1 day.

So we got pregnant about 2 wks after our m/c AND we were using condoms!

How did I not realize I was pregnant until this past Friday?

Seriously, I know it sound ridiculous but I really didn't know.

After the m/c in June - I was advised that it could be awhile for my hormones to get back to normal and that, until that happened, that I could still experience some pregnancy like symptoms.

So I was tired and slept a lot. And I chalked that up to being depressed over the miscarriage.

I was nauseous a LOT - and I attributed that to my anxiety.

My boobs were KILLING me - and I attributed that to hormones.

It wasn't until I had T. get me that caramel sundae from McD's on Sept 24th that I decided to do a pregnancy test.

In hindsight of course - it really does point to pregnancy as so many of my friends were thinking but were afraid to say since it was such a sensitive topic for me after the loss.

But seriously, there was a week were I existed eating cream of potato soup at least once a day and another week where all I could keep down was basmati rice. And I ate tons and tons of saltine crackers.

Nausea is still going on. I actually last threw up less than 20 minutes ago.

UGH!

But I'm happy :>:>:>

Holy freakin' crap!!!!!!!!!

I had my ultrasound today and, according to it, I am 13 weeks and 1 day pregnant!!!!

So I've passed the danger zone without even knowing I was pregnant.

That's actually a really cool thing considering that #1 - I am a worrywart and #2 - I suck at keeping secrets.

I am so thrilled I'd like to do a happy dance but I'm too paranoid that I'll trip ;>

Went for a drive

And T. and I were talking about baby names.

Now, surname-wise I think I'd actually go the hyphenated route for the baby. My surname and then his because whenever I actually marry T. I would add his last name to mine.

Of course, this means the baby's last name initials would be H-O.

LOL!

Sorry baby!

Then T. started spouting off the odd names that we would NOT name the baby like:

Solar Radiation
Nuclear Fallout
Sunspot
Moonbeam
Lawnmower etc...

My joking one was a normal name - Thomas Kirk because if we skipped my surname then his initials would be TKO!!!

I like the idea of somehow incorporating Cliff into the name if it's a boy for my late father.

Then T. suggested that if it's a boy, he could be J.C. (John for his Dad and Cliff for mine).

The only REAL name I've thought of so far is:

Cadence (aka Cady) Diana so we'd have the same initials.

Other than that - no real ideas yet.

My DR's appt yesterday

So I went, had to do a pee test there.

Dr. agrees that yes, I'm pregnant and he's dating it back to July until he gets information showing otherwise.

Thing is, we were diligent about using condoms all through July and August and our "activity" level had gone down considerably because I was massively depressed.

Dr. said (and I quote), "Well obviously you weren't using them right. And you know condoms are only 80% effective."

*rolls eyes*

Now, since we don't know for sure when this happened (though I am pegging THIS month because of our one slip-up) I have been trying to pin down some of the things that I thought were odd but was ignoring.

My sudden Pizza Hut cravings. We had it twice in the past month or so whereas I don't think we had previously ordered it AT ALL since we've been living in this unit.

And that was one of my cravings with Little Man.

Also, the caramel sundae from McD's on Thursday - something else I had a ton of when I was carrying Little Man.

I've been more tired, restless, and headachey than normal.

My breasts have been more sensitive overall (though that started back in June before the June 10th miscarriage) but they've STAYED sensitive which was something that happened when I was carrying Little Man.

I think the fact that I have more pregnancy symptoms than I did in June and that my overall feeling this time is not one tinged with a sensation of "wrongness" is a good sign.

I kicked around the idea a number of times while waiting for my period that didn't come -- all those "what ifs" and such.

Whereas, back in June, nothing felt quite "right" or "natural."

So I am hoping this is a good sign for this time around.

I go for an ultrasound on Monday at 2 p.m. and then I have to see my DR for the results on Friday.

So I just have to try to relax and be as calm and as positive as possible.

I really hope this all works out.

I just want to have a happy, healthy baby.

WTF is going on?????

OK I am seriously confused right now.

I have been feeling sick as a dog for about a week.

I have had one period since the miscarriage on June 10th. I odd spotting July 4th - July 11th.

Then, since that point - nothing.

We did not have unprotected sex in July.

We did not have unprotected sex in August.

At the beginning of Sept, we did have one slip-up that I had forgotten about until I was talking about all this with T. before I started to write this post.

However; the pregnant line on this test is darker than on the one test I kept from before the miscarriage.

So I have a couple of theories here...

#1 - maybe the slip-up at the beginning of September did it BUT that doesn't make sense since I have not HAD a period since July. With no period, how could I be ovulating?

#2 - maybe there is something seriously wrong with my hormones and this is a false positive (though that is apparently rare)

#3 - maybe the miscarriage in July was incomplete (even though the DR said that the ultrasound showed everything had been expelled) or maybe I was WAY earlier on than everyone thought and it was too small to detect and maybe there were 2 eggs and I only lost one?

#4 - another highly unlikely one but maybe this is a molar pregnancy

Not sure what to think. Looking fwd to the DR's office being open so I can call and get in there today.

All I know is that I cannot get my hopes up this time. Because I don't want to break again.

Today was a tough day

I am 99% certain that I miscarried today.

I go for an ultrasound tomorrow.

I am sore and aching and sad and tired.

I just need to say how thankful I am for T. and my friends who are loving and supportive.

I was at work and I was feeling sort of cramping pains in my right side. I had felt them a bit on Tuesday as well but I thought perhaps it was implantation or something because it was very mild. Not even as strong as period cramps.

But I went to the bathroom and I was spotting. It was kind of a deep mauve colour and I was feeling a little more crampy.

I called the DR and made an appt to come in. Then I thought about calling T. but I didn't want to get him worried unnecessarily so I called my S-girl.

Got to her place (after leaving work early, while totally bawling) and I laid down for awhile and sobbed.

I made her look at the colour of the blood. Yes I did. She handled my urine container on Monday to make sure I didn't screw up the test and then today, I made her look at a swab of paper with my blood on it.

That's what friends are for, folks.

She took me to my appt and came in to the room with me and spoke to the DR. He seemed totally unconcerned and gave us some requisition forms.

S-girl & I picked up T. and I left word for H. via her man as to what was going on.

Could not get in anywhere for an ultrasound today though.

Cried and slept a LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Every time I go to the bathroom, it looks more and more like a "regular" period so each time I go to the bathroom - I start crying again.

Logically, I realize that there was nothing I could do to stop this from happening. And I also know that if this was to be the outcome of this pregnancy, it is better that it happened sooner rather than later, but I am still really, really sad.

I am grieving, essentially, for the death of a dream.

Or has the dream really died?

Even though I have one slim hope, which is probably ridiculous, I'll tell you what it is.

I have read that women over 35 have a higher chance of having fraternal twins. So, if that's the case then MAYBE I was one of those women with two embryos. And maybe I lost one but still am carrying one.

Also, T. has said that if I want to try again that we can.

I have a lot to think about.

And I still cling to a shred of hope that the ultrasound will show me that I still have a baby to be born even though, logically, I think it's over.

I'm sorry, baby.

I never got to know you.

Sleep

I was very tired yesterday.

I had a hard time getting to sleep Monday night and Tuesday I had a headache and was nauseous all day.

It was "Fun Fair" at Little Man's school last night so I laid down for a nap before we went and I was solidly asleep. When T. came to wake me, he really scared me because I was so deeply asleep.

I went to bed last night at 10 p.m. and was right out almost immediately. Was woken up by a late-night call from H. about some confidential matters and then was back asleep again until 7:30 this morning.

Have a lesser headache today, on the left side of my head rather than my more intense headache on my right side yesterday.

At a cracker in bed before I got up.

Have kind of a metallic taste in my mouth, even after brushing my teeth this morning...

Working today, for 3 hrs. Hope all goes well.

T. is making me some peppermint tea to start off my morning.

Appointments

Dr. K. - July 13th at 2 p.m.

Pre-birth clinic at GRH - Aug 11th at 12:45 p.m. *must pick up paperwork beforehand*

Dr. C (OBGYN) - Aug 12th (must call and double-check the time)

Breakfast

Feeling a little nauseated this morning, but I think it is from my weather-related headache.

Am eating a banana and having some herbal peppermint tea.

Earlier I had 2 saltine crackers.

I am going to follow this with a slice of whole wheat toast.

The news

Yesterday I did 4 pregnancy tests.

The digital one had an error but the other 3 all showed faint 2nd lines. And the boxes indicated that the 2nd line meant pregnancy.

Then I went to my DR and did another test.

Same result.

So here I am, pregnant at 36.

I'm happy, I'm scared, I'm hopeful.

Due to my age, my weight (259 lbs) and complications I had when I had my son almost 7 years ago, I am not sure what to think about it all.

My nerves make it advisable to try and stay calm and keep my thoughts in the middle of the road.

It's obviously early in my pregnancy. Judging by when I had my last period, and using cyclespages.com I was probably most fertile around May 21.

Now let's keep in mind that this pregnancy is a surprise. We were not planning on having another baby, even though we had the desire to, due to our ages and financial state but we had discussed if we ever were to be "surprised" that, so long as the DR felt it would be safe for me to continue a pregnancy that we would be parents again.

The strange thing is that I haven't "felt" pregnant whereas I have in the past very early on.

The only possible signs (that don't crossover into the PMS category) started on Saturday night/Sunday... an increased need to urinate with smaller amounts, major itchiness of the skin on my legs and stomach and sleep disorder/disruption.

Yes, my breasts have been a bit sore, but that's normal for me when I am expecting my period and I was having cramps (normal for me) as well as lower back cramps (abnormal unless it's during menstruation).

But much to my surprise, I am actually pregnant.

And I needed somewhere to write about this, but I've got this blog set so that only the authors can read it for now. Once I make it past the first trimester, then I can share this with the world.

For now though, there are people who know but not a lot (considering how many people I know) and though I'd like to excitedly shout this from the rooftops, I am trying to be cautiously optimistic and hopeful without being convinced that this will go the way I want it to.

My ideal outcome will be that I have a healthy, happy baby and that I am a healthy, happy Momma by the end of this pregnancy.

So, to my baby, I want you. I want you to nestle in, in the right spot, and start growing strong and healthy and no matter what may happen -- I love you.